While we were in Puerto Rico, we kept hearing this song everywhere we went: in nightclubs, in casinos, in stores...heck I even heard it as someone's ring tone! We couldn't get the song out of our heads! I knew it wasn't Spanish, I thought it was Portuguese. When we arrived home, we looked for the song. The name of it is We No Speak Americano which we thought was an appropriate song for our trip. The song is a remake of an Italian tune from the 50s, poking fun of an Italian emigre in America who tries to act American.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The best part of a vacation is the few hours before you leave. Who knows what adventure awaits us? I had carefully planned activities for the trip: snorkeling, visiting the rain forest, a road trip to Fajardo, casinos, spending a day in old San Juan, but I finally tossed the itinerary and had decided to make plans as we go. The spontaneity is a little out of character for me but a welcome relief. Andy and I have heard some great stories about Puerto Rico and can’t wait to get there. What to pack? A lot of shorts, tee shirts and polos. Nice walking shoes, and trying to find a bathing suit that is not too unflattering. I wish the full body, turn of the century bathing suits for men would come back in style.



Thursday, October 28, 2010

L Maldicion del viaje numero uno - We arrive at ABIA for our 11:15 am departure at 10:30. When we arrive at the JetBlue gate, they inform us that our connecting flight in Orlando to San Juan has been canceled due to a “mechanical failure” on that airplane. “Mechanical failure” is airline euphemism for a BS reason for changing your flight and they really don’t want to tell you why. I get the sneaky suspicion that the second flight was not full and they canceled it.

Still, we cheerfully accept the excuse, and since we are at the gate, they issue our boarding passes and take our luggage. They can refund the $80.00 we paid to change our flight and they will book us on the afternoon flight (the one we originally scheduled) at 3:15 pm.

We have four hours to kill and don’t want to remain at the airport. We take the shuttle back to our car, pay $7.00 for thirty minutes of parking, “not my fault”, the woman in the parking booth explains, “take it up with the city, I am only doing my job.” Does that excuse ever work? If everyone was only doing their job without using common sense, they could easily be replaced by a computer.

So we return at 2:00 pm to board our flight.

A good way to find out if a person is really a douche bag is to observe him or her on a airplane. Our flight to Orlando is full of them and the biggest one is sitting next to us. Despite being told several times by the stewardess to hang up his phone, he continues to talk to his office secretary. When she finally begins tapping on his shoulder, he says, “I’m sorry, I just wanted to tell my wife that I love her.”

J Bendición del viaje numero uno– Our plane leaves Orlando 45 minutes late, which means that we don’t get into San Juan Luis Munoz Marin airport until 12:00 am. The San Juan airport is small and not very busy. We take a taxi to the Embassy Suites, where the handsome man behind the counter tells us that they no longer have any rooms left with two double beds. So to compensate for giving us a single bed, they offer to put us up in the presidential suite! We tell them we can handle staying in one bed for one night, but they insist on bringing in and setting up a cot in the living room of our suite.

“No, really”, I tell them, its okay. But they insist.

The presidential suite is great: large dining room, living room and huge bathroom with a walk-in shower and Jacuzzi tub. We unload our bags and then we check out the casino in the hotel. We return to our room around 2:00 am to find the cot set up. The front desk at the Embassy Suites wants to make sure they do everything humanly possible to ensure no two men sleep together in the same bed.

Friday, October 29, 2010

We have to get up the next morning at 8:30 to take advantage of the free breakfast by the lobby. The breakfast is a full spread with omelets made to order and café con leche. After lunch, we meet with the concierge to review local options for snorkeling.

J Bendición del viaje numero dos– After checking out of the hotel, we take a taxi to Enterprise car rental. The handsome man behind the counter tells us that he is out of the standard sedan that we reserved, but can substitute a Mustang convertible, if we would like. He then tells us it is $10 a day to add another driver, but then says, “Don’t worry about it.”

What an island!

We make our way to the Condado area of San Juan, where our rented condo is located. We have a couple of hours to kill before our condo is ready at 3:00, so we spend some time across the street at the Marriott Casino and the have lunch at the Yerba Buena down the street.

We check into our condo at 5:30 pm. Our condo is great! We are loving Puerto Rico!

We leave the condo at 8:30 pm in search of Al Dente restaurant in Old San Juan, usually about a 15 minute drive. However, traffic is horrible! It takes usabout 45 minutes to get to old San Juanand we can’t find the restaurant anywhere. We give up and head back to the Condado area. It’s 10:00 and we are hungry and irritated. Time to start the petty bickering.

Andy parks the car in what he thinks is a handicapped space.

We walk over to a restaurant that serves local fare and we eat mofongos. Mofongos are fried, green plantains that are mashed together with garlic, olive oil and other “stuff”, topped off with gravy. It reminded me of sheperd’s pie, but with plantains instead of potatoes.

The restaurant has a group of drunk, loud andobnoxious tourists. Everything out of their mouths is F**k this and Sh*t that. They are truly nasty and wouldn’t you know they had on Texas A&M tee shirts. I took a picture of one of the women picking her toes at the table (see blow). Yeeech! We leave the restaurant to try our luck at the Condado Plaza Hotel and Casino.

L Maldicion del viaje numero dos – 1:00 am we leave the Casino and still no luck. We find a ticket on the rental car for restricting access to a handicapped ramp. The fine is $250.00. Aye Dios mio!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Still tired from the night before, we have to get up at 8:00 am to travel to El Escambron beach for our snorkeling lesson at 9:00 am. El Escambron is a little park/beach just outside of Old San Juan usually frequented by locals. There is a coral reef and usually calm waters which make it suitable (but not great) for snorkeling. The lagoon is protected from the ocean waves (see below).

The young woman at Sea Dogs is very patient with us and a good teacher. It takes me a little time to get the hang of snorkeling (after swallowing a lot of Atlantic Ocean) but we see plenty of colored fish: blue, yellow-striped and other colors that are probably cool, if I could see the full color spectrum. I was a little intimidated when I saw a barracuda (similar to the one below)!

We spend the morning snorkeling and hanging around this virtually deserted beach.

We travel back to the Condado area for lunch, we find a health food/deli by our condo called Pure and Natural. Wonderful salads, sandwiches and healthy smoothies. After lunch, we hang around the condo for a couple of hours before we have to leave at 3:00 to pick up Kendall at the airport. After picking up Kendall, we stop by a super market to buy snacks and breakfast items and rum (surprisingly you can buy liquor at the supermarket).

The three of us are back at the condo by 4:30 having cocktails and planning the evening. We decide to get dressed up to go out to a nice restaurant and then visit El San Juan Casino, located in a Waldorf Astoria Hotel in the Isla Verde area. Some of the upscale casinos have dress codes, at the Marriott Casino, they didn't allow hats.

We are all ready by 7:00 and set out to find the elusive Al Dente restaurant again in Old San Juan. Traffic is still horrible but since we have better directions from our Sea Dog instructor, we find parking and the restaurant by 8:00. Old San Juan is so historically picturesque…with brightly colored Spanish colonial buildings and narrow, brick streets. My photographer friend Dayton would go wild with so many photogenic scenes.

We are all ready by 7:00 and set out to find the elusive Al Dente restaurant again in Old San Juan. Traffic is still horrible but since we have better directions from our Sea Dog instructor, we find parking and the restaurant by 8:00.

Probably the best meal we had in San Juan was at Al Dente. The pasta was fresh, home made and incredible; we leave the place at 9:00 for El San Juan. Traffic is horrible, parking is worse, but we arrive at El San Juan Hotel and Casino at 10:00.

The hotel lobby, bars and casino are a madhouse: everyone dressed up in Halloween costumes dancing to salsa music. The place is packed, violating several fire codes, I’m sure. Inevitably, we get separated. I drop about $50 at the casino with no luck. Even worse, the place charges $8.00 for beer.

We get desperate to leave the place but we spend a little over an hour trying to find each other. The place is fun but has an odd feeling to it. I feel like we are in Cuba on New Year’s Eve 1958, right before the overthrow of the Bautista government. We just wan t out before the Revolucion! Around midnight we finally all meet up and leave.

One o’clock finds us back a the Marriott Casino. FINALLY, I win a little over $200 on x3/x7 slot machine. I cash out and Kendall and I leave the casino for the Atlantic Beach Bar, which is a small gay bar located on the beach about two blocks away. We hope drinks there will be cheaper. Two mojitos at the Marriott cost us $20.

No luck though, the place is closed but we hang around and talk with some of the bar patrons in the street. They tell us about the street party that will be held tomorrow for Halloween on Ponce de Leon street, in front of the Krash, night club, the biggest gay bar in town.

We get back to the condo around 3:00 am, another long night.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

I wake up at 9:00 am, unable to go back to sleep. I decide to let the guys sleep in, while I head to the beach a couple of blocks away. There is hardly anyone there. I get back to the condo at 10:00, Andy and Kendall are awake and we eat a small breakfast. We change into our swimsuits, bring a change of clothing and head out to El Yunque, the rainforest, which is about 60 or 70 miles away.

After an hour on the road, we stop to eat in Rio Grande at a place that has an interesting menu of BBQ chicken and pizza. They have plenty of sides to go with the chicken but we are not understanding exactly what they are. The further you are from San Juan, the less likely you are to find people who speak ingles. The chicken portions were huge and very tasty. The sides: tostones, amarillos, arroz con puerco were all great and the whole meal, including a drink, was $7.95.

Finally, around 2:30 we arrive at El Yunque. El Yunque is a cool, mountainous, sub tropical area, the pictures here do not do the place justice. It is one of the most beautiful areas I have ever seen. We take the top down on the Mustang and cruise through the canopy of trees.

There are several hiking trails to take, but we choose La Mina, which leads to a huge waterfall you can swim in. Unfortunately, it is a pretty treacherous trail and Andy decides to stay on the road and take pictures. Kendall and I begin our 30 minute journey down the slippery slope. The return trip will be longer, since we will be hiking up the mountain.

Hot and sweaty, we finally make it to the waterfall, I can’t wait to jump into the cold water. Unbelievably, there is no one else in the water! I have the pool and water fall all to myself.

Here is another video by a better videographer:

L Maldicion del viaje numero tres – The waterfall is about 5 or 6 stories high and produces a strong current and a dangerous undertow, so it is a little bit of struggle to get underneath the falls. I had some money (about $40) and my ID in the pocket of my swim trunks. The current was so strong, that my money and more importantly my ID, were swept down the river someplace most likely to be found by a Coqui frog. And even worse, my relatively new Iphone 4 (I have only had it for 3 months) ended up in the water. When we hike back to the main road, Andy is waiting for us with more bad news. The roads in El Yunque are very winding and narrow. Another car surprised him while he was turning the corner and he put the Mustang in a ditch to avoid hitting the other car. The El Yunque gods were not kind to us.

We are back in San Juan and the condo by 6:00. By 8:30, we have on what we consider Halloween costumes and are on the road looking for Ponce de Leon street and Krash. Which was no easy task for us, by the time we navigate traffic, locate the place and park the car, it was close to 10:00. And every restaurant in the area closed at 10:00, which left us only one option: Denny’s. It was open and we were there and hungry. While we were eating, a guerilla group of drag queens burst into the restaurant and began singing and dancing between the tables. Most everyone clapped along with the impromtu dance number, Andy was quick with his Iphone but only caught the end of it.

At 11:00 we arrive at the Halloween street fair. It was a sea of people in costumes, some went all out and others didn't, but they all appreciated each others outfits. The people of Puerto Rico are very cordial and even though this event would have been crazy anywhere else, it was very organized and fun. And the men of Puerto Rico have these naturally gifted bodies to go with their naturally gifted faces. We saw so many exotic men on the street and there were plenty more here at the parade. Unfortunately, I didn't catch many on this video.

J Bendición del viaje numero tres - 1:00 finds us back at the Marriott Casino. Kendall must be my good luck charm, he looks on as I win $480 on a Wheel of Fortune slot machine! I play back $80 and cash out with $400 in my pocket. Another late night, we get back to the condo around 2:00.

Monday, November 1, 2010

In the morning, we try to hit all of the souvenir shops in the neighborhood. Around 11, we head back to old San Juan to visit some of the really interesting shops there. Kendall finds some really cool gifts for Mary and the kids and before you know it, it's 2:00 and we are taking him back to the airport, but not without taking some cool pics of the city.

After dropping off Kendall, Andy and I spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying the beach. The surf was kind of rough, so we didn't go further than waist deep (pardon my finger in the video).

Then we get ready for a romantic dinner at La Mallurquina, a very old restaurant (established in 1848) in old San Juan, it is a very historic building. The food was somewhat of a letdown. When we got the bill, I was shocked that they had charged me $18.00 for a mojito! I didn't know whether to pay the bill or call the police and report a robbery.

J Bendición del viaje numero quatro - We have to be at the airport at 11:00 tomorrow, so we call it an early night, but not before Andy finally wins at the casino - $1100 - of course he did have to put in $600 before he won, but still it is a $500 profit.

We did pretty good at the casino, considering we didn't really think we would be able to win at these small casinos. Here's a summary:

Adios, or so long for now, Puerto Rico. The trip was a great way to celebrate our 25th anniversary and my 50th year on earth. We are already making plans for our next trip.